I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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