Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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