ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
