He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize