So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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