do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
