i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
