Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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