how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize