i was born a porn star she said
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
