Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize