walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
