the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
