I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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