I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
