Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
