I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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