I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
