Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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