You're my little dorito
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
