I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
