I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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