you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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