I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
