Can Purell be used as lube?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
