everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
