I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
