sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
