i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
