I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's paper in my vomit.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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