i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
