From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize