Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
