Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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