here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
