Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
