I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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