Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
