I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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