Plan B is the new Plan A
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
