yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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