I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
