Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We just shotgunned beers for America
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
