anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
