the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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