so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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