My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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