You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
