Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
