my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
