mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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