there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
