Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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