Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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