This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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