Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
