im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
