i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
