Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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