i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
